I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize