There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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