im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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