you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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