my vag is so smooth its legendary
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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