Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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