i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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