fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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