how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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