I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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