Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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