Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
