they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
