No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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