i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
