Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
