i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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