Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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