My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
