I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
