I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
