I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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