he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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