maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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