You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
