so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
