I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
