just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
