Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Screwed.edu
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
