i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
