He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
