did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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