I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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