You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
