Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
