Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
pray to the hookup gods
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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