ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
