I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
