I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
