I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
