Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
