can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
