Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
