the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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