Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize