It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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