There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
