Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
