fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
