Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
