just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
