my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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