True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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