I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
