The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
