So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
