the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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