quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
