I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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