I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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