I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
