he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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