Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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