once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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