The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize