All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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