When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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